Week 5: E

EYELIDS: On the first day of classes, three of my four-year-old students came up to me and started poking me in the eye. I, naturally, was a little alarmed at this behavior and asked the Chinese teacher in the classroom what was going on. She told me that I was probably the first Westerner they had ever seen, and that they were fascinated with my eyelids. Ah! This explains the ads in the taxicabs for plastic surgery to give you the appearance of having eyelids. And some of the guys here tell me that a successful pick-up line is, "You have such big eyes."

ENGLISH: Either I am forgetting my English or the translators here have created a new language called "Chenglish." Some examples:

--On my comforter cover: Happy day is time

--On a brochure for beach-side apartments: sunny smell, comfortable safety, and concretionary music

--Tasty meal square (This, I discovered, is a food court.)

--At the zoo: Don't stride over the fence.

--At the bus stop: Keep your manner and travelling safely

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see English anywhere (in fact, I'm just happy to see romanized letters), but I'm just not sure if this is English.

ELEPHANT: We had our pictures taken with the performing elephants at the zoo. This is my colleague holding on as the elephant rises on his hind legs. My picture might appear under "T" for terrorized or "U" for uncomfortable.